Making new friends in adulthood is not easy. It’s developmental for adults to become more focused on work/career and family responsibilities. There are relocations, babies, marriages, divorces and many other situations that change our social landscape. Still, adults are looking for friendship and a sense of community. And for good reason: the benefits of friendship have been shown to include reduced stress and even a longer life. Researchers at UCLA (2000) discovered a “tend and befriend” response that reduced stress in women with a circle of friends. This response regulated stress hormones and was an alternative to the known “fight or flight” response to stress.

Friendship is an investment in time and energy. The rewards are feeling connected to others, having emotional support when needed, and having others to share life’s ups and downs.

To reap the benefits of friendship, we can take notes from how children make friends. Kids have the structures of school and extracurricular activities that bring them in contact with like-minded people. Kids spend regular time playing together, providing opportunity for friendships to develop.

Whether you are looking for a BFF or simply more acquaintances, there are some concrete things you can do.

Start where you are. Capitalize on the convenience factor. Is there a neighbor or coworker who you would like to get to know better? Invite him/her to go for a walk at lunchtime, to meet at the park with your kids or to a casual dinner at your house. To lessen the awkwardness of feeling like a “date,” choose a side-by-side activity where you do something active.  

Identify your interests. You are investing your precious time, so you want to enjoy yourself while meeting like-minded people. Think about what you already like to do. What activities would be nurturing to your health? What would be fun!? Even seemingly solo activities, like running or painting, can have groups or clubs.

Research in your community for groups and meetings for the activities you enjoy. Find out if there are volunteer opportunities. Look on community boards at coffee shops, schools and community centers. Search on-line for meet up sites, groups and classes. If what you are looking for doesn’t exist near you, create your own group and advertise it.

Get out and take action. This is the hard (and fun) part! Yes, it involves doing. Make a goal to join an activity and give yourself a deadline. Connecting with others involves intention and effort. But over time, it will pay off.

Nurturing friendships – especially new ones – takes some consistency. Once you have found a group of people to share in activity, keep it up! Time and shared experience are the soil in which friendships can grow.

 

References:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10941275?dopt=Abstract

http://www.clevelandclinicwellness.com/mind/stressless/Pages/TheHealthBenefitsofFriendship.aspx

 

Claire is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with expertise in body-oriented psychotherapy.  She works as a Behavioral Health/EAP Consultant, providing workplace consultations to employers and assessment and referrals to clients.