"When avoiding failure becomes your motivator, you are traveling down the path of inactivity. You can stumble only when you are moving." - Roberto Goizueta
I found that quote taped to my bathroom mirror one Friday night when I was a senior in high school. Earlier in the evening I had experienced one of the worst moments of my young life. I grew up in Texas where high school football is king. It’s not quite as dramatic as they make it out to be in the movies, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t still passionate about it. Entire communities come out to support their team. At least it felt that way with our stadium’s seating capacity over 14,000. They love you when you win and they can be tough on you when you lose.
That night we lost, and it was my fault. Of course, the team made mistakes throughout the game but mine was the one that ultimately sealed our defeat. I missed a tackle late in the 4th quarter and the opposing team’s running back broke off a 30 yard run putting them in field goal range. They kicked the winning field goal as time expired. Walking to the locker room after the game, I could feel all eyes on me. Nobody said much in the locker room; at least not to me. They were my teammates and they would always back me up, but right now we were all upset.
Our usual tradition when I got home on game nights would be for my dad and me to review the game tape together or at minimum talk through different plays, formations, etc. It was something we both enjoyed. However, on this night all the lights were off and my parents were already in bed. My first thought was, “Man, this is bad. My own parents are mad at me.” I navigated the way to my bedroom in the dark not wanting to accidentally wake them up and have some impromptu, awkward conversation. It wasn’t until I turned on my bedroom light and read the quote my dad taped to my bathroom mirror that I realized he knew how mad I was at myself and he was just giving me space to process a situation I’d never encountered before.
It’s funny how even when we think nobody can understand how we feel, the people closest to us know exactly what to do to provide support. My dad didn’t even have to be awake that night to teach me a profound lesson. What I remember most was my father taking a difficult situation and turning it into a teachable moment. Since then I’ve tried hard to learn from my mistakes, and I continually keep that lesson in the back of my mind. At times I even catch myself thinking, “What am I trying to do here? Am I trying to succeed or just avoid failure?” I find it helps me clarify situations and points me towards a course of action.
This doesn’t mean I’ve succeeded at everything I’ve tried, but now I know I can stumble only when I am moving.
Mark is a mental health professional who has worked in the EAP field since 2004. During this time, he has provided telephonic crisis counseling, workplace consultations regarding behavioral risk issues, trainings on various work-life topics, and account management services.