In honor of Mother’s Day this Sunday, we wanted to share a few quotes honoring that very special woman. Enjoy!
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." - Phyllis Diller
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” - Buddy Hackett
"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway." - Erma Bombeck
“If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?" - Milton Berle
"I know how to do anything—I'm a mom." - Roseanne Barr
"Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly." - Ambrose Biece
"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after." - Peter De Vries
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” - Calvin Trillin
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” - Dorothy Parker
"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." - Leo J. Burke
"You will always be your child's favorite toy." - Vicki Lansky
"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." - Erma Bombeck
"I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement." - Tina Fey
"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - Ed Asner
"My mom is literally a part of me. You can't say that about many people except relatives, and organ donors." - Carrie Latet
“Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers…for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.” - Amy Poehler
“You’re just like a human napkin for kids, like, they just wipe their face on you and stuff.” - Tina Fey
“Be nice to your children for they will choose your rest home.” - Phyllis Diller
“With two babies we are -- and there’s two of us -- we are pulling our hair out. We’re loving every minute of it. It is truly a blessing. But I’m going to be tired for the rest of my life. When you’re up at 3 o’clock in the morning and they pee on you, you just have to smile. - Wanda Sykes
“My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.” - Groucho Marx
“Living with a teenage daughter is like living with the Taliban: a mum is not allowed to laugh, sing, dance or wear short skirts.” - Kathy Lette
“The interesting thing about being a mother is that everyone wants pets, but no one but me cleans the kitty litter.” - Meryl Streep
“My mother's five-foot-two, and I'll be honest with you - she's the only person I'm scared of.” - Kiefer Sutherland
“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.” - Rodney Dangerfield
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