It has been said many times that listening is the key to communication.  I completely agree with that statement.  But, can we listen differently at different times in our lives?  Absolutely!  Listening happens through our current view, or filter, of the world and this filter can influence what we hear and how we respond. 

Here are just a few factors to consider: 

• Our current state of mind
• Our past experiences
• The amount of attention we are able to give to the conversation

Let’s use an example to highlight these factors.  A friend calls saying, “I got a promotion today at work!  I’m so excited, but the new job requires me to move.”  If we’re currently in a bad mood, we might not be as excited as our friend would have liked.  Or, if we’ve had friendships in the past end because people moved away, we could experience fear that we might be losing this friendship as well.  Sometimes our answers can be short because we might feel we just don’t have the time to focus on what they’re saying.

However, if we truly value the relationship, we need to become aware of what is impacting our listening as well as how it is influencing our responses.  By bringing them into our consciousness, we can make sure they don’t get the better of us. 

A few good questions to ask yourself are:

• Am I able to give this conversation my full attention?
• What do I want out of this interaction?
• What is prompting me to respond this way?
• If I wasn’t in my current state of mind, would my responses be different?

Keep these ideas in mind the next time you are in the middle of an important conversation.  It only takes a few missteps to do major damage to a friendship.