The facts about bullying are staggering, 160,000 children skip school every day because of fear of being attacked or intimidated by other students. Reports also confirm that bullying is starting at younger ages and is more frequent and aggressive than before. Staying at home is no longer protection from bullying as reports indicate that 42% of middle schoolers have been bullied on line and 53% of them admit having said something mean or hurtful to another person on line.
Bullying is not new, but it is pervasive, not to mention scary, embarrassing and humiliating. Repeated bullying may cause severe emotional harm and can erode a child’s self-esteem and mental health. Both boys and girls who have been bullied report high levels of emotional distress and loneliness as well as increased levels of depression and anxiety. In some situations the outcome is tragic as the child may take his or her own life.
Bullying is always intentional, and rarely happens only once. Many children, particularly boys and older children, do not tell their parents or adults at school about the bullying, so it is important that adults are vigilant to possible signs of bullying. Every child is different and any child can have an “off” day so look for patterns of behaviors that is not typical for your child. The following is a list of behaviors that may indicate possible bullying:
1. Unexplained physical marks, cuts, bruises, and scrapes
2. Unexplained loss of toys, school supplies, clothing, lunches, or money
3. Clothes, toys, books, electronic items are damaged or missing or child reports mysteriously “losing” possessions
4. Disinterest in going to school or other activities with peers
5. Fear of riding the school bus
6. Fear of being left alone: wanting you there at dismissal, suddenly clingy
7. Suddenly sullen, withdrawn, evasive; remarks about feeling lonely
8. Marked change in typical behavior or personality
9. Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed and that mood lasts with no known cause
10. Physical complaints; headaches, stomachaches, frequent visits the school nurse’s office
11. Difficulty sleeping, nightmares, cries self to sleep, bed wetting
12. Change in eating habits
13. Begins bullying siblings or younger kids (Bullied children can sometimes flip their role and become the bully.)
14. Waits to get home to use the bathroom (School and park bathrooms, because they are often not adult-supervised, can be hot spots for bullying).
15. Suddenly has fewer friends or doesn’t want to be with the “regular group”
16. Ravenous when he comes home (Bullies can use extortion stealing a victim’s lunch money or lunch.)
17. Sudden and significant drop in grades (Bullying can cause a child to have difficulty focusing and concentrating.)
18. Blames self for problems; feels “not good enough”
19. Talks about feeling helpless or about suicide; runs away
Children who are embarrassed about being bullied may not want to discuss it with their parents or teachers and will withdraw and attempt to stay away from school. If you suspect bullying and your child won’t talk to you, it may be helpful to engage a trusted adult who knows your child. Sometimes a close friend of your child might be willing to talk to you about what is going on. Even if your child does not want to talk to you about suspected bullying it is important to remind your child that you are there to support him or her, are concerned and are willing to take action to improve the situation.
If the situation continues and does not improve and you see increasing symptoms of depression and anxiety it may be time to seek out a mental health professional to whom your child can speak. Therapy can help victims of bullying notice, share and process painful feelings. Therapy can also teach coping skills to help your child move forward and begin to return to a normal life.
It is important to remember that bullying has always gone on; however there has been much more media attention lately and the addition of cyberbullying has added an element not seen before. Although it can be scary, concerns about bullying should not distract parents from your goals for raising your child to be a kind, understanding, and well-adjusted person.
References:
Signs Your Child is a Bully or Being Bullied- Care.com
What’s Happening in Character Education-Character.org
Bullying Signs Tip Sheet-stompoutbullying.org
Signs of Bullying-Warning Signs That Your Child is Being Bullied-education.com
Warning Signs-stopbullying.gov
Warning Signs of Bullying-violencepreventionworks.org
Sarah is a Connecticut Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 20 years of experience working the mental health field. She is currently employed as a Behavioral Health Clinical Care Manager in Connecticut.