Several years ago I attended a phenomenal workshop through a program called Parenting Safe Children. The purpose of the program was to educate parents about how to keep children safe from sexual abuse. They offer workshops, both online and face-to-face, for parents and providers. I don’t want to pretend I know it all. I’m simply encouraging people to educate themselves about this topic. Check out this program’s website and material, or find other professional resources that teach about keeping children safe from abuse. I’m not in the business of endorsing anyone’s program, just the idea that Child Abuse Prevention is important and every parent needs to know about how to do it.
What I learned opened my eyes, even as a licensed clinical social worker with 19 years in the field. The bottom line, keeping your child safe from sexual abuse starts at home. It starts with you and your child talking about topics that often feel uncomfortable. It also starts with parents working with others to create your own prevention team.
I will share some of the basics of what I learned, but I encourage you to educate yourself, and most of all provide the education to your child(ren), friends, family and other caretakers. Be proactive and create your own prevention team.
Educate your child about their body parts and have body safety rules.
Use the correct terminology. This is important because if your child(ren) has/have to describe an incident to you or s/he has concerns about his or her body parts, you want your child(ren) to be able to talk to you or another safe person with the right language.
Your child is the boss of his or her body:
This is a body safety rule. Make it clear to your child(ren) that no one under any circumstances can touch them without their permission, accept in cases of medical need, such as a doctor, or parent. Yes, even with the doctor you want to be in the room. And as for dear Auntie Bessie, that right, she can’t pinch their cheek or hug them without asking first. You, as a parent, will have to explain to Auntie Bessie why she can’t.
Do not keep secrets:
Secrets make people vulnerable. While you can have surprises like, “don’t tell mom yet, I bought her some flowers!” the difference is that this is a surprise, not a secret. Secrets are used by perpetrators to manipulate. Make it clear to other family, friends, caretakers, “we do not keep secrets and no topic is off limits.”
Interviewing and doing background checks of childcare professionals:
It may feel really awkward, but you want to tell providers about your family’s body-safety rules. Have they taken a child abuse prevention workshop? It’s also very important to ask questions that receive straight answers. You’re not just listening to the answers, you’re observing the caretaker’s reaction. Parenting Safe Children has an excellent checklist for interviewing providers available on their website.
At schools, camps and EVEN play dates:
Be sure to ask the same questions and many more. Who is going to be with the children? Educate all of these people about your body-safety rules. Ask if they have similar rules in their own homes.
While these maybe uncomfortable topics to talk about and can feel awkward at first, the more you talk about them, the more you’re able to protect your child and help them to protect themselves.
I want to emphasize this is just a small sample of what I’ve learned. Do your research, take a class in child abuse prevention and actively teach your children.
Reference: www.ParentingSafeChildren.com
Neal got his bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Oregon and his Master’s degree in Social Work from Loyola University- Chicago. He has interned in both hospital and school settings. Neal worked at a residential treatment program in Denver, Colorado and Outward Bound where he mananged courses for adolescents and adults utilizing an adventure based setting to teach skills such as leadership, team-work, communication and self-reliance. Neal has been working with the Employee Assistance Program for the past 14 years. Neal is also an avid runner recently finishing the 2014 Boston Marathon and he holds a certification as a running coach. He has strong interests in sport, performance and exercise psychology.