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Some of us spend our lives measuring our happiness by the pursuit of things and with comparisons to others. We chase the illusion of happiness through materialism and competition. Believing that having a better job, bigger house, or more money will bring genuine happiness, we can get caught up in an endless cycle of comparison and competition with our friends, neighbors, and coworkers. As our desire to feel content grows, our pursuit of it drives us from one conquest to the next.

On the surface this makes sense. Logic would dictate that the more you have, the happier you should be. Why then despite these accouterments, do some people find themselves feeling unfulfilled and empty? Basically, happiness is not only obtained through material things. When we gauge our worth and happiness based on the arbitrary comparisons of things and images instead of substantive values embedded in ourselves, many find that genuine happiness still is obscure.

What is happiness? Ironically, happiness is complex. What makes you happy may not make me happy. However, there are some general trends that are true for the majority of people. It’s true that money and the pursuit of things can buy a certain level of happiness. We can purchase things that make our lives more comfortable and secure. Current research from Princeton University shows that after reaching an income threshold of $75K, factors other than income become more important. Thus money can buy happiness in the form of financial security. However, the abundance of happiness I’m advocating (joy, peace of mind, and deep sense of wellbeing) is seldom brought forth by materialism.

Psychologically, the reason is simple. As we acquire more, our expectations adjust. As expectations adjust, the objects we longed for yesterday become the items we take for granted today. It’s a characteristic of human beings. The same phenomenon that leads to the age old adage, “the grass is always greener on the other side.” An endless cycle ensues. On a side note, manufacturers successfully exploited this characteristic for decades to maximize profits.

In the end, we may miss out on the joy that is right in front of us, perhaps taking our families for granted, ignoring the obvious and missing out on simple pleasures. As Einstein once pointed out, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you’re stuck in this pattern, I challenge you to try something new. Why not begin with the practice of gratitude?

Here are some tips for inviting gratitude into your life:

Stop comparing There will always be others who have more and those with less. Appreciate what you have and let go of envy. When you catch yourself comparing, refocus your thoughts on the abundance currently in your life.
Say “thank you” or write a thank you card We often take the simple things for granted, a loving partner, good friend, or beautiful day. Practice being fully aware of the present moment with appreciation.
Stay in the moment Focus on the here and now. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is yet to be. All that really exists is here in this exact moment. Take the time to really appreciate the positive aspects around you.
Let go of judgments Observe the number of judgments you make on a typical day. Rate how you feel. On another day, attempt to take a nonjudgmental stance with your thoughts. Observe and rate again how you feel. Is there a difference?
Stop complaining Gratitude is the opposite of complaining. Complaining and bitterness imply a lack of something where as gratitude focuses on abundance. Find what’s right about a situation.
Do something for others It’s no secret that helping others feels good. It can be as simple as smiling or giving a word of encouragement. Volunteer. Get outside yourself. Focus on contributing to others and making meaning of a greater purpose.
Keep a gratitude journal Cement the thoughts of the day down into a journal. Before you know it, you’ll have a record of the positive things in your life and have easy access to them at any time.
Practice Like any change, it takes work. Create a new habit by focusing on gratitude daily. Set reminders on your phone or write messages on your bathroom mirror. Make a 21 day commitment and see what happens. See what focusing on gratitude does for the way you feel.
Don’t give up We all have bad days that can be demoralizing. These are the times when despite our inclinations, it’s important to turn our mind and stop perseverating on the upsets, refocusing our thoughts on gratitude.

With the practice of gratitude come many benefits that have been confirmed through research. Consistently, people report greater happiness and physical well-being. Gratitude helps us overcome adversity, delight in the present moment, cherish the good times, and increase overall positive feelings. In marriages, couples report greater satisfaction and communication with their partners. At work, gratitude can motivate employees, bring teams together, and spur greater creativity, innovation, and unity.

Your mind is a powerful tool. What you choose to focus on is what you will start to see and manifest. For example, have you ever been shopping for a car and suddenly started to notice how many other people drive similar cars? Before then, you may have never given it a second thought and now that model seems to be everywhere. What changed? Your awareness did! By adjusting your thinking and changing a few key behaviors, you will notice that your feelings and perceptions about life will change as if it were magic.

I want to stress that inviting the practice of gratitude into your life doesn’t mean you give up on all your goals, desires, or wishes. Those are important too and we want to keep those things in our life. In essence, gratitude encourages a complimentary state of being that broadens the scope of awareness. There’s nothing to lose by trying it and brings with it the potential for deep happiness that we all desire.

References:Money and happiness. (2013, Feb 11). Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hidden-motives/201302/money-and-happiness.

Money and happiness. (n.d.). Askmen. Retrieved from http://www.askmen.com/money/investing_300/372_money-and-happiness.html.

Money can’t buy happiness. (2014, July/Aug). American Psychological Association. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/money.aspx.

In praise of gratitude. (2011, Nov). Harvard Mental Health Newsletter. Retrieved from http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2011/November/in-praise-of-gratitude.

The benefits of gratitude. (2013, Nov 27). Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201311/the-benefits-gratitude

Why gratitude in the workplace? (n.d.). 30 Day Gratitude Challenge. Retrieved from http://www.30daygratitudechallenge.com/why-gratitude.

Rob received his Bachelor of Science degree in Biology and his Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and Counselor Education from the University of Colorado, where he trained in Marriage and Family Therapy. Through his career, he has had a variety of work experiences in the mental health field. Currently, he works as an EAP consultant with Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield. He is interested in how technology can be integrated into the workplace to reduce stress, foster well-being, and easily connect people.