It’s no secret that both men and women can struggle with depression.  However, in many cases men can experience depression in a different way than women.  So what does it mean for a man to be depressed? 

 

The Man of Steel vs Kryptonite

Common gender labels tend to box men into a corner.  For many, acting “strong” and being “in control” without showing emotion is a common message men have been given since childhood.  When hard times strike, men are expected to remain “tough”, act confident and downplay any impact on their emotional well-being.  For some, the expression of emotion is misinterpreted as a sign of weakness.  Remember, “Big boys don’t cry” and “suck it up and get back out there.”  Discouraged by these types of thoughts, men may choose to suffer silently rather than risk being falsely labeled by old gender labels.  Faced with two choices, stuffing down feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and lack of interest appears safer than experiencing the shame of appearing weak. 

 

Putting aside the myths of what it means to be masculine, depression in men is a real condition and occurs as a result of our inborn nature interacting with environmental stressors and the mind’s thoughts.  Real men do become depressed and the emotional toll is great, especially when men suffer silently.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health, each year about 5.2% of U.S. adult male population experiences a major depressive disorder.   

 

 “Captain, I’m giving her all she’s got!”

Depressed men are more likely to feel irritable and tired.  A loss of interest in activities is common.  Normal routines may suddenly disappear.  Men are also more likely to cover up feelings by drinking too much, behaving recklessly, or over focusing on physical symptoms.  Outbursts of anger and even violent behavior may occur.  Men’s sexual drive may decrease.  At the heart of these behaviors is a gloomy surge of false beliefs, negative thinking, and sadness invading and disturbing the mind.  If left untreated, feelings of hopelessness can turn into feelings of ending it all. 

 

Although women attempt suicide more often, men are 4 times more likely to die in an attempt.  The reasons are clear.  Men tend to use deadlier means when attempting to kill themselves.  If someone tells you they are thinking of suicide, it’s essential to get the person to a professional for an assessment.  Never second guess or ignore statements about suicide.  Immediate action by a trained professional is vital. 

Although no two men feel depression exactly the same way, here are some common signs / symptoms that a man you know may be struggling with depression:

 

Signs and Symptoms
Anger	Feeling sad, empty, and hopeless
Irritability	Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
Fatigue	Difficulties concentrating or remembering things
Insomnia or sleeping more than usual	Changes in appetite
Body aches, headaches, or digestive problems	Failing to meet responsibilities (work, family, etc)
Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts	Sexual dysfunction

 

You Keep on Knocking but you Can’t Come In

Helping someone with depression can be challenging.  Family and friends can find it difficult to approach the men in their lives, as helpful efforts can be met with distrustful reactions.  Don’t give up.  Sometimes the persistence and pressure exerted by a loved one or friend is the only way to get a man to seek treatment.  Here are a few tips that may help:

• Let him know you care through understanding and patience
• Don’t overly take his reactions to your discussions personally 
• Focus on behavior, not emotions 
• Talk about depression in more socially acceptable male terms like “stress” or “frustration”
• Encourage him to seek help, attend appointments and take medications if prescribed

 

The Lone Ranger Rides Again

The good news…depression is common and highly treatable.  It takes courage to seek help and there are many options available.  The suffering does not have to continue.  Some men find therapy helpful while others may need medications or a combination.  Lifestyle changes can help.  To find the treatment right for your situation, an assessment conducted through the EAP, a mental health professional or your doctor will provide recommendations that are right for the circumstances.  Men, nothing shows greater strength than the willingness to admit painful feelings and the courage to do something to make you better.  In the words of John Wayne, “When you come slam bang up against trouble, it never looks half as bad if you face up to it.”

 

National Institute of Mental Health. (2012).  Major depression among adults. Retrieved from http://www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/1MDD_ADULT.shtml

 

 Helpguide.org. Depression in men.  Retrieved from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_men_male.htm

 

 

Rob received his Bachelor of Science degree in Biology and his Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and Counselor Education from the University of Colorado, where he trained in Marriage and Family Therapy.  Through his career, he has had a variety of work experiences in the mental health field. Currently, he works as an EAP consultant with Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield.  He is interested in how technology can be integrated into the workplace to reduce stress, foster well-being, and easily connect people.